Roman, Numerals Scum of Today

Roman numerals are an ancient numbering system that is still used today but only in the most intellectual and important settings. They have mostly faded out and here in the greatest country in the world (the United States of America) we have changed to the Arabic numbering system (those filthy goddamn sand people take our oil and our numbers). However scholars and intellectuals alike have found a way to sneak them back into everyday society. For example the Super Bowl. Do you think that an average person sitting on their couch in the Midwest drinking a beer watching superbowlXXLVI, actually knows what the fuck that means? No they don’t and neither do you. People only pretend to know roman numerals, and instead of actually knowing the number, they get only a rough estimate. For example XLVIII (48) becomes 21. On average it takes a regular red-blooded American 2 hours and 25 minutes to translate CLXXVI into 176 and that is not including the time it took to google roman numerals to figure out that C is 100, L is 50 and so on and so on. Why take that much time on numbers? This isn’t Japan where everything is slow and tranquil, or the Arabia where they have the time to figure out which direction is east and pray five times a day to Allah (whoever that is). I am a dedicated Christian American and I can only afford to go to church on the major holidays; Christmas and Easter (the other Sundays I am sleeping through a rough hangover from the night before). We are Americans and everything needs to be catered to our needs, we are on a schedule and the rest of the world should follow.

Why do the prestigious ass holes think that it is ok to throw roman numerals into today’s society? I tell you why. It is a conspiracy. They know that all the average Americans, the heart of this country, are sitting at home taking hours to figure out what some number is while they, the useless intellectual pricks of this country, take that time to go organic food shopping while we get stuck with pizza for the 5th night in a row. I spoke to an intellectual about my theory once and he said that if it bothers me so much why don’t you just learn how to read them. I became furious and said that if I wanted to learn another language I wouldn’t learn Roman because American is the best fucking language around. I drove home in my Ford truck and realized that the only reason he suggested learning Roman was to take up even more of my time. Learning Roman would take me years. He would have all that time to plant an organic vegetable garden in his backyard and then he would stop putting that vegetable money back into our great American economy by going to Meijer because he would have his own fucking vegetables. So as revenge I did as any normal American would do. I called my friends and we get dressed up in our white pointy hats and paid that intellectual son of a bitch a visit. Sorry to move away from the original point of how roman numerals are the scum of today but that needed to be said. It just seems odd that regular books like ESPN magazine don’t use roman numerals but philosophical bullshit does. They are stopping us from reading smart books when they add roman numerals. They are driving the average American away from Shakespeare and towards Maxim. I mean I wan to read smart stuff too, but I don’t want to have to take 8 years to figure out what page I am on. Page 17, that is easy to remember, but page XVII is not. XVII, that is way too fucking long. It even takes a long time to say let alone translate. We learn roman numerals in elementary school but don’t actually use them until we are reading philosophy shit in college. So only the freaks we used to beat up in elementary school with photographic memories remember that shit, and now they are getting back at us. So put on your white pointy hats and join me in kicking every prestigious dick’s dick in so that they will think twice before using another roman numeral.

Sincerely,

XLVIII

Cyber-bullying

Cyber-bullying: an epidemic facing today's youth.

The internet has, since the mid-1990's, revolutionized the way we communicate, do business, and receive national information. Thanks to the internet, the human race has been thrust into a golden age of technological advancement. With the click of a button, data can be sent around the world in the blink of an eye. This pinnacle of communication; this epic feat of engineering; it would not go uncorrupted for long.

Today, youths are faced with the ever-present threat of CYBER-BULLYING. This most heinous form of mental torture has been studied since the Great Troll Flood of 1997, and has been estimated to be at least twenty-six times as damaging as regular bullying. While top scientists are still unsure as to the cause of its power, they have theorized that cyber-bullying's profound effectiveness could be linked to the same mysterious powers that caused WWII, 9/11, and Whitney Houston.

Quite often, the issue is dismissed when brought into the political spotlight. Phrases such as, "it's really not that big a deal" and, "kids will be kids" are thrown out carelessly. What most Americans fail to recognize is that cyber bullying is SERIOUS BUSINESS. Every eleven seconds another life is ruined by cyber-bullying. Take, for instance, the case of youngster David Knight:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/bullying/cyber_bullying.html

Knight wasn't very popular at his school. He was so unpopular that his classmates created a webpage, for the purpose of allowing others to mock him in the public arena. At the tenth hit on the page, David's cat shat on his rug. After twenty visitors to the page, one left a hateful comment; Knight's mother beat him in a drunken rage. By the time the website had finally been taken down, Knight's father was in rehab, his mother in a psychiatric ward, and his one month-old sister had turned to prostitution.

As you can see, cyber-bullying ruins lives, right? Oh wait... None of that actually happened. He opted for home-schooling and felt shitty for a couple months, but he lived. In fact, he's training to become a pilot.

How did he survive those verbal bullet wounds? It wasn't a kevlar noun-vest. As luck would have it, words are only words. The simple fact is that the internet makes it easier to do EVERYTHING. Whether you use it to trade stocks or to mock feminine douchebags like David Knight, it is EASIER. It isn't really that big a deal, and making fun of one another is what kids do. Pansy can't handle it? Tough shit. In the end you can deal with your problems like an adult, or you can be the ever-whining, ever-victimized scum of the Earth.

Choose wisely.

Yours,
Douche²

Agamya Jing-Wei: Tales of an Intellectual

Agamya Jing-Wei: Tales of an Intellectual

“The wall is a bullet-

The great state is a big stick-

The communist party ends here-

Brazil”

The above is a brief poem that I wrote at the age of 5 while riding on a train for the first time through the vast landscapes of India. Even then I like to think I had a heightened sense of self-importance. It was not until I was 13 that I knew I was right. So as I sit here drinking a cup of darjeeling tea I would like to give all of you a thought “ask not what is growing on the world of invented freedom but when this cage I like to call society will be lifted”

My name is Agamya Jing-Wei. This is however, not the name that my non-paleoanthropic parents gave to me. At the time of my birth they did not know that Cari Smith would be such a small name for such a grand person, and so I legally changed my name to Agamya Jing-Wei. A name defines a person. It is what people will remember at the time I first meet them and it is also what people will remember after I am gone. I chose my first name Agamya because of its Hindi meaning for knowledge and wisdom. My last name Jing-Wei which is the Chinese name meaning a small bird.

As you could probably tell by reading I am very cultured, but culture does not always translate into intellectualism, however, it does in my case. I like to think of myself as an amateur philosopher an amateur who is wiser than those credited such as Plato. Hats block our thoughts from getting into the universe. That is just one of my philosophies I follow strictly. A Buddhist Monk I met once in Thailand a few years back used to tell me to read what ought to be considered a cult of a thousand points of light. So my question to you is, have you? If you have not read what ought to be considered a thousand points of light then you should not continue to read this. Below I leave a few more of my thoughts for you to be inspired by. This is not the last of me and I hope that my experiences that are far grander than yours continue to enlighten the inferior.

“We think what we are which will be that in which we know ourselves”

“Blue sweaters in sweatshops smell like child sweat”

“A scarf in the wind is the end of communism but the start of a new socialist nation”

“Rows of books, rows or cars, rows of spoons, rows of boats, rows of people—none of which are free”

“A fork in me- the end

A fork in the road- the beginning

A fork on a plate- the end of world hunger”

-Agamya Jing-Wei

College: Douchified Students

Hello All! It’s been awhile, and I’ve missed the brazen contentious posts this blog has to offer. But I’m not going to beat around the bush, I like men, okay, enough about my cock fetish, lets get right into the fudge of my next post. Here it goes.

Smell that? Its the smell of failure, you have been emitting it your whole life, ever since you bursted out of your whore of mother. But I digress, that smell could also be college, at a University, because community college isn’t a real college, unless you are retarded, then its just special college.

You have arrived at College! YEA! Good for you, you did okay in school and applied, if you’re black you don’t deserve any credit, its called Affirmative Action, if you are white you either were born into a wealthy family or are going to some state University. The point is, you are there, at college, and you have so much before you, extracurricular actives, social experiments, things to try and places to discover!

The idea of College seems fun, I mean come on, have you seen the brochures they send you in the mail! All those whites having a good time, and that one kid playing the trombone who surprisingly doesn’t have acne (trombone playing is like proactive)! Once students arrive, they like to induce themselves into believing the brochures, but that isn’t enough, they need to ‘change’ something about themselves to REALLY be a part of College, something that shows they are away from home. Now, if that isn’t the stupidest fucking idea, lets go through some of these idiotic motions.

The most popular brand of idiocy in the shape of being ‘with it’ is of course the earring and nose ring. Once thought to be out of style with men, the earring has persevered and is now making a striking come back, not into the gay community, but the jock collective. Surprisingly, the inbred white guy douche and the ghetto black have something in common, they’re un-fucking-believable shitty taste. Hoop earrings are particularly popular, usually having a iconic Michael Jordan silver silhouette, if not that then just a little earring showing how much different they are now! HOW COOL!

Smoking has also taken way with the masses of twats in College, but not just any kind of smoking, oh no, that wouldn’t do, Hookah is whats in! See those group of assholes who sit around the tree shade in the brochure? Well, right after talking about the whale meat industry in Iceland, they head-off to go smoke Hookah. Hookah is even more douchey then the guy wearing a leather jacket and smoking right outside of campus with one leg leaning against a brick wall, you know, totally James Dean (shit actor). This group of assholes actually think they are cultured, going to some middle-eastern restaurant and ‘chill-axing’ while smoking guava (one of many shitty flavors they have to offer) hookah. You get to say “fuck you lungs,” waste money, and seem kinda cool for an hour. What a bunch of fucking losers. They either have nothing to do, or live in Flint.

How about learning a language you don’t need, and won’t use, ever? Sounds cool right! No, sounds like you are a fucking asshole. Are you going to be a translator? No? Well fuck off, English will do you narcissistic superficial prick! Learning farsi makes you an asshole, a fucking asshole. Okay, so you like to eat Kibi, whoopee fucking do! Were you born in the middle east? No? THEN DON’T LEARN SOME OBSCURE LANGUAGE YOU FUCK! I hate having to hear it from my friends, a conversation might go like this:

Me: How are classes?

Douche: Okay, my teacher really doesn't grasp the struggle of Iraqi people when concerning US industrialism and the Carbon Trade tax credit cut out.

Me: Okay, well...want to go out for lunch?

Douche: No can do, I have my Farsi class *looks at his books, looks at you and smiles*.

Me: Dinner?

Douche: Nope, I should study for Farsi class, and then I’m chillaxing at Taboon to smoke some mango hookah, after that I’m getting a nose ring!

Me: Die.

I literally deal with these assholes every day.

Finally, I would like to end with quite possibly the most horrendous thing I have ever heard in my adult life. People who get tattoos of Africa on their body. Need I say more? Really? These are the same people who advocate against the genocide in Dar Fur, deluding themselves, thinking they will raise money that will actually make a difference. Imagine seeing someone at the pool with a gigantic tattoo of Africa on their back, wouldn’t you just want to pull out a 9mm and shoot them? They aren’t from fucking Africa, they haven’t been, they don’t have similar experiences, yet they put this picture of Africa with a red outline to show what? Have YOU struggled? No? THEN VANISH AND DIE.

I would go on, but time tells me I need to masturbate. If you disagree with anything I have said you are either a monkey, or arab, in which case your opinion holds no ground.

Sincerely,

Mr. Right.

College

You got there! Congratulations, you’re in college and things are new and exciting. You’re going to travel to exotic places, learn new things, and gain experience in this big thing I like to call shit….life. While all this is handy and dandy to the point where a gay man can get excited for a new pair of Prada shoes, I must digress. Because while College offers the aforementioned it also has the ability to delude kids into thinking that what they are doing at college actually has some meaning that will affect the whole fucking world, when in reality they are living their normal lives in constant debauchery. College kids think they have grasped what life is about, and that they some how know more then the average person, they walk with their head high, too high.

College students today believe that they have a heightened sense of morality, and that they need to act on this. College students do a lot to make themselves feel like their contributing to society and or humanity. Typically, something will inspire these types, whether it be a speaker or a book, they’ll get inspired and pursue their new found ideology. They might put the flag of a country in their room, posters on their walls, change the way they look, start blogging, become more defensive of their ideas, and things of that nature. When you really look at this, you’ll realize just how puerile it is. In some regards it can be considered a good thing for teenagers to go through this phase, but guess what (?), it’s fucking annoying to me and therefore it’s stupid.

Student activism! That should be a fucking Oxymoron, unless the student is only doing it to look good, which is sadly NOT the case. Student activism is fucking ridiculously stupid for a myriad for reasons, but the big one would be that these dumb cunt students think there going to actually effect someone. LAMO! Raising awareness about the genocide in Dar Fur (hey, we have a big population so a little genocide is okay), child soldiers (they need work to survive), the mistreatment of women in DRC (who the fuck cares), global warming (hoax), the killings in Gaza (cry me a river), these are all important topics, but the fact is that putting up posters and writing to Congress does jack shit. Millions of babies die each year in Africa because they lack oral treatment kits that only cost 12 cents, and we have spent over a trillion dollars on Africa, so where the fuck is the money going? You’re not saving lives when you become an activist, you are annoying people like me by shouting into a speakerphone about some damn kid I don’t know named Ubonto and the limbs he doesn’t have (I like ribs with ranch). So, for now I want to ask any and all student activists to shut the fuck up, and stop wearing your damn “Save Darfur shirts.”

So you were lucky enough to go to some fucking country and live with some people you’ll never see again (facebook won’t last forever bitch), whoopdee fucking do for you! This does not fucking mean you have a better understanding of life then anyone else, it just means you got to meet some people and eat new food (wow, you’re so culturally diverse now). In some cases, students will travel to some godforsaken place where people don’t have a pot to piss in, and they will actually help them build some shit, maybe one of their shanty’s made out of dog shit and blood. While this is nice, it doesn’t mean you understand the world any better then someone who reads BBC each day (me), it just means you got to see firsthand some kid that had a life harder then a black mans cock in between the tits of some white women named Candy (Nisce(!)).

What’s all this about students finding themselves? BULLSHIT! You haven’t found yourself if you have convinced yourself that you have found yourself. God damn it! Oh, because you joined some religion you now have a deeper understanding of life and are more enlightened, or maybe you’re self-actualized. WRONG! What’s the fun new religion on the block for people seeking to make themselves different? Buddhism! Oh yes, Buddhism is growing at an astronomical degree, specifically in college campuses and the woods where hippies live. Apparently, kids think it’s cool to join a religion they know nothing about, for the sole purpose of looking cool, and it’s in comics! Guess what jackass! You won’t magically be able to use a sword, and you won’t be able to speak Japanese just because you’re a part of Buddhism. I fucking hate these people, wearing black long trench coats, with nasty ass hair dyed blue & black, and then they have the big ass beads around their neck. (What an individual you are!) You can also have people who claim to have found themselves because they discovered there roots (great movie)! What the fuck does that even mean, “discovered their roots?” It’s not hard to discover your roots and when you do that doesn’t mean anything, it just means that you (in this case) found out that your great ancestor was a slave. This doesn’t make you more aware of what slaves went through, and you don’t now have a personal connection to them to the point where a white person wouldn’t be able to comprehend what a slave went through. You weren’t the slave, so shut the fuck up. What now, going to start wearing Yorba and walk around with your following preaching the word about how the white man is still oppressing? (What’s all this about Affirmative Action almost costing a trillion a year?) College students haven’t found themselves, they did however find something they can leach onto until they get bored and go on to the next trendy religion.

Mr. Big Man, living on his own, pays for his own food! Yea, no longer relying on mommy and daddy, because, you know, you’re a big man and have big responsibilities. I knew I smelled bullshit! Just because you live in a dorm, and have a part time job/sinecure does not mean you are your own man, you’re still relying on their finical support and are still licking their taint when needed, so don’t give me that bullshit.

How about the partying! Oh yea, can’t forget that. That’s the main reason to go to college, PARTY ON! Well, for people that truly believe this, I wish only the best for you, and by that I mean I wish for you to get in a car accident, resulting in you flying out of the car, hitting the cement, and thus instantaneously crushing your skull to the point where some of your God damn brain coming out and splirting onto your crashed car window. I’m fine with a party, but not every God damn day. Drinking is fun, but not when you puke in my mouth and then I puke in yours and we make a puke shake and then drink it. Getting drunk for no reason is idiotic, and usually makes for a scurrilous setting. While it’s funny to see your friend run up to a house naked and bash on some random persons door, it’s not fun to get caught. So for all of you fucking cunt buckets, I suggest you party when necessary, like at PARTYS, not at any given moment.

For the college students reading this and thinking that I don’t know what I’m talking about, you are only helping my cause against you and your stupidity. I have demonstrated what I believe to be a vast amount of veracity, only in the hopes for those certain college students to choke on a cock and lose their zealotry.

Disagree? Then tell me where you live so I can shoot you, cut out your skull and make your cranium into a bowl for me to eat my cereal out of as I watch the Flintstones. Talk about a good time!

Agree? Come to my house at 3:00 tomorrow and I will make you my famous cock in a steak. Followed by an afternoon of spooning and knitting each other’s sweaters.

Sincerely,

Mr. Right

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Kids These Days

Kids These Days

Kids these days are getting dumber by the second. Between Reality TV, Myspace, and Fall Out Boy, our current generation of teenagers are more idiotic and self-absorbed than any other. Nothing matters more to them than what’s going on right here, right now. If you've ever had the misfortune of reading some fourteen year old's Myspace page, then you probably know what I’m talking about. If not, I’ll take a moment to explain a few of the grievances that I put up with every day…

The largest and most obvious problem with today’s youth is their take on relationships. Not to say that they’re naïve, but… Actually, they’re not naïve at all; they’re just fucking stupid. It seems that these days Romeo and Juliet took centuries to fall in love. I’m sure that Shakespeare would be surprised to learn that two kids who have never met can hook up in an hour and proclaim their undying love for one another on Myspace before midnight. For example:

“♥I love you (Name Here) ][always&&forever][January twenty-eighth two-thousand nine]♥”

What if it turns out that they’ve made a horrendous mistake and break off the relationship? Well, that’s simple: find a new partner to insert into the parenthesis. My take on the whole situation is that they want their lives to have some kind of meaning, that this is how they’re supposed to feel. Unfortunately, fairytale romances are only found in books… Did I mention that the Myspace status above was written by a male?

As long as we’re talking about Myspace, we may as well discuss how it’s destroying America. Myspace allows millions of kids who would normally be social outcasts to have some kind of social life. THEY’RE MISFITS FOR A REASON! When they all pat each other on the back for their high-contrast, weird-angled mirror pictures, they get self-esteem that they don’t deserve. George Carlin said it best when he ranted about how nowadays “everyone is a winner”. If these kids don’t learn that they’re going to be failures early on, when will they? It’s cruel to think that Myspace is allowing them to live blissfully unaware of the fact that they’re going to spend their better years posing for themselves in a mirror.

I suppose it’s only fair to attack today’s music. America, as a society, needs to come to the realization that some musicians should be executed on live television. Dopey mainstream teen music isn’t causing much harm (I’ll save it for another post), and never really has, but there is a general category of modern music that is deadlier than anthrax laced with AIDS: Emo music. What kind of self-respecting person listens to that bullshit?! Hawthorne Heights can whine about their lives all they want, but anyone who takers their shitty lyrics seriously should kill themselves sooner than they would have normally. The band obviously makes good money, has plenty of groupies to fuck, and is generally successful. What do they have to bitch about? These little shits who listen to those big shits need to find some other way to stand out from the crowd. You’re not deep, you’re not noble for enduring your ‘pain’, and you’re not in any way special for cutting yourself to release your angst. It’s not okay to cry and it most certainly is not okay to be a little faggot.

Before I incorporate several different blog topics into this, I should talk about Reality TV. This God forsaken form of ‘entertainment’ creates a standard for drama that teens feel compelled to follow. When they see Flava Flav’s bitches ripping weave off more efficiently than an Indian could scalp, they want that excitement in their life too. They want it so bad that they often go out of their way to create drama. This can be extremely infuriating for those with an IQ above 70, mainly because of our ability to discern that only retards act that way.

I could easily write ten pages on every paragraph here, but I was in a rambling mood. Mission accomplished. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please leave a comment. If you disagree with anything that I’ve said, fuck you. Have a nice day!

(Sorry about the indentations problems; blogspot won't cooperate)