College

You got there! Congratulations, you’re in college and things are new and exciting. You’re going to travel to exotic places, learn new things, and gain experience in this big thing I like to call shit….life. While all this is handy and dandy to the point where a gay man can get excited for a new pair of Prada shoes, I must digress. Because while College offers the aforementioned it also has the ability to delude kids into thinking that what they are doing at college actually has some meaning that will affect the whole fucking world, when in reality they are living their normal lives in constant debauchery. College kids think they have grasped what life is about, and that they some how know more then the average person, they walk with their head high, too high.

College students today believe that they have a heightened sense of morality, and that they need to act on this. College students do a lot to make themselves feel like their contributing to society and or humanity. Typically, something will inspire these types, whether it be a speaker or a book, they’ll get inspired and pursue their new found ideology. They might put the flag of a country in their room, posters on their walls, change the way they look, start blogging, become more defensive of their ideas, and things of that nature. When you really look at this, you’ll realize just how puerile it is. In some regards it can be considered a good thing for teenagers to go through this phase, but guess what (?), it’s fucking annoying to me and therefore it’s stupid.

Student activism! That should be a fucking Oxymoron, unless the student is only doing it to look good, which is sadly NOT the case. Student activism is fucking ridiculously stupid for a myriad for reasons, but the big one would be that these dumb cunt students think there going to actually effect someone. LAMO! Raising awareness about the genocide in Dar Fur (hey, we have a big population so a little genocide is okay), child soldiers (they need work to survive), the mistreatment of women in DRC (who the fuck cares), global warming (hoax), the killings in Gaza (cry me a river), these are all important topics, but the fact is that putting up posters and writing to Congress does jack shit. Millions of babies die each year in Africa because they lack oral treatment kits that only cost 12 cents, and we have spent over a trillion dollars on Africa, so where the fuck is the money going? You’re not saving lives when you become an activist, you are annoying people like me by shouting into a speakerphone about some damn kid I don’t know named Ubonto and the limbs he doesn’t have (I like ribs with ranch). So, for now I want to ask any and all student activists to shut the fuck up, and stop wearing your damn “Save Darfur shirts.”

So you were lucky enough to go to some fucking country and live with some people you’ll never see again (facebook won’t last forever bitch), whoopdee fucking do for you! This does not fucking mean you have a better understanding of life then anyone else, it just means you got to meet some people and eat new food (wow, you’re so culturally diverse now). In some cases, students will travel to some godforsaken place where people don’t have a pot to piss in, and they will actually help them build some shit, maybe one of their shanty’s made out of dog shit and blood. While this is nice, it doesn’t mean you understand the world any better then someone who reads BBC each day (me), it just means you got to see firsthand some kid that had a life harder then a black mans cock in between the tits of some white women named Candy (Nisce(!)).

What’s all this about students finding themselves? BULLSHIT! You haven’t found yourself if you have convinced yourself that you have found yourself. God damn it! Oh, because you joined some religion you now have a deeper understanding of life and are more enlightened, or maybe you’re self-actualized. WRONG! What’s the fun new religion on the block for people seeking to make themselves different? Buddhism! Oh yes, Buddhism is growing at an astronomical degree, specifically in college campuses and the woods where hippies live. Apparently, kids think it’s cool to join a religion they know nothing about, for the sole purpose of looking cool, and it’s in comics! Guess what jackass! You won’t magically be able to use a sword, and you won’t be able to speak Japanese just because you’re a part of Buddhism. I fucking hate these people, wearing black long trench coats, with nasty ass hair dyed blue & black, and then they have the big ass beads around their neck. (What an individual you are!) You can also have people who claim to have found themselves because they discovered there roots (great movie)! What the fuck does that even mean, “discovered their roots?” It’s not hard to discover your roots and when you do that doesn’t mean anything, it just means that you (in this case) found out that your great ancestor was a slave. This doesn’t make you more aware of what slaves went through, and you don’t now have a personal connection to them to the point where a white person wouldn’t be able to comprehend what a slave went through. You weren’t the slave, so shut the fuck up. What now, going to start wearing Yorba and walk around with your following preaching the word about how the white man is still oppressing? (What’s all this about Affirmative Action almost costing a trillion a year?) College students haven’t found themselves, they did however find something they can leach onto until they get bored and go on to the next trendy religion.

Mr. Big Man, living on his own, pays for his own food! Yea, no longer relying on mommy and daddy, because, you know, you’re a big man and have big responsibilities. I knew I smelled bullshit! Just because you live in a dorm, and have a part time job/sinecure does not mean you are your own man, you’re still relying on their finical support and are still licking their taint when needed, so don’t give me that bullshit.

How about the partying! Oh yea, can’t forget that. That’s the main reason to go to college, PARTY ON! Well, for people that truly believe this, I wish only the best for you, and by that I mean I wish for you to get in a car accident, resulting in you flying out of the car, hitting the cement, and thus instantaneously crushing your skull to the point where some of your God damn brain coming out and splirting onto your crashed car window. I’m fine with a party, but not every God damn day. Drinking is fun, but not when you puke in my mouth and then I puke in yours and we make a puke shake and then drink it. Getting drunk for no reason is idiotic, and usually makes for a scurrilous setting. While it’s funny to see your friend run up to a house naked and bash on some random persons door, it’s not fun to get caught. So for all of you fucking cunt buckets, I suggest you party when necessary, like at PARTYS, not at any given moment.

For the college students reading this and thinking that I don’t know what I’m talking about, you are only helping my cause against you and your stupidity. I have demonstrated what I believe to be a vast amount of veracity, only in the hopes for those certain college students to choke on a cock and lose their zealotry.

Disagree? Then tell me where you live so I can shoot you, cut out your skull and make your cranium into a bowl for me to eat my cereal out of as I watch the Flintstones. Talk about a good time!

Agree? Come to my house at 3:00 tomorrow and I will make you my famous cock in a steak. Followed by an afternoon of spooning and knitting each other’s sweaters.

Sincerely,

Mr. Right

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Kids These Days

Kids These Days

Kids these days are getting dumber by the second. Between Reality TV, Myspace, and Fall Out Boy, our current generation of teenagers are more idiotic and self-absorbed than any other. Nothing matters more to them than what’s going on right here, right now. If you've ever had the misfortune of reading some fourteen year old's Myspace page, then you probably know what I’m talking about. If not, I’ll take a moment to explain a few of the grievances that I put up with every day…

The largest and most obvious problem with today’s youth is their take on relationships. Not to say that they’re naïve, but… Actually, they’re not naïve at all; they’re just fucking stupid. It seems that these days Romeo and Juliet took centuries to fall in love. I’m sure that Shakespeare would be surprised to learn that two kids who have never met can hook up in an hour and proclaim their undying love for one another on Myspace before midnight. For example:

“♥I love you (Name Here) ][always&&forever][January twenty-eighth two-thousand nine]♥”

What if it turns out that they’ve made a horrendous mistake and break off the relationship? Well, that’s simple: find a new partner to insert into the parenthesis. My take on the whole situation is that they want their lives to have some kind of meaning, that this is how they’re supposed to feel. Unfortunately, fairytale romances are only found in books… Did I mention that the Myspace status above was written by a male?

As long as we’re talking about Myspace, we may as well discuss how it’s destroying America. Myspace allows millions of kids who would normally be social outcasts to have some kind of social life. THEY’RE MISFITS FOR A REASON! When they all pat each other on the back for their high-contrast, weird-angled mirror pictures, they get self-esteem that they don’t deserve. George Carlin said it best when he ranted about how nowadays “everyone is a winner”. If these kids don’t learn that they’re going to be failures early on, when will they? It’s cruel to think that Myspace is allowing them to live blissfully unaware of the fact that they’re going to spend their better years posing for themselves in a mirror.

I suppose it’s only fair to attack today’s music. America, as a society, needs to come to the realization that some musicians should be executed on live television. Dopey mainstream teen music isn’t causing much harm (I’ll save it for another post), and never really has, but there is a general category of modern music that is deadlier than anthrax laced with AIDS: Emo music. What kind of self-respecting person listens to that bullshit?! Hawthorne Heights can whine about their lives all they want, but anyone who takers their shitty lyrics seriously should kill themselves sooner than they would have normally. The band obviously makes good money, has plenty of groupies to fuck, and is generally successful. What do they have to bitch about? These little shits who listen to those big shits need to find some other way to stand out from the crowd. You’re not deep, you’re not noble for enduring your ‘pain’, and you’re not in any way special for cutting yourself to release your angst. It’s not okay to cry and it most certainly is not okay to be a little faggot.

Before I incorporate several different blog topics into this, I should talk about Reality TV. This God forsaken form of ‘entertainment’ creates a standard for drama that teens feel compelled to follow. When they see Flava Flav’s bitches ripping weave off more efficiently than an Indian could scalp, they want that excitement in their life too. They want it so bad that they often go out of their way to create drama. This can be extremely infuriating for those with an IQ above 70, mainly because of our ability to discern that only retards act that way.

I could easily write ten pages on every paragraph here, but I was in a rambling mood. Mission accomplished. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please leave a comment. If you disagree with anything that I’ve said, fuck you. Have a nice day!

(Sorry about the indentations problems; blogspot won't cooperate)

United Nations: Wannabe World Government

The United Nations is the biggest waste of time ever. How big, you ask? The UN's budget for 2008 was $4.17 billion. And how much of that was a complete waste? $4.17 billion. How do I know this for sure? After a long day of riding around in my Army-surplus Hummer with my 12 gauge pointed out the window, firing at any endanger species that moves (in season or not)(God, I love the Second Amendment), listening to country music about driving pick-ups with my tin full of Skoal, I like to learn a little about the world from truly American perspective. I watch Sean Hannity, and due to this, I know for one that America is the single greatest best country that God has ever given man on the face of this earth (only a true American could be that eloquent). I also know that Alan Colmes is a puny liberal that should be kicked in the ass whenever given the chance and that UN is UNAmerican. Know what else they are? UNconcerned about it! (It makes sense that everything they do and are, they are also the opposite of because you can just put the prefix UN in front of it and flip their role.) "But how is the UN unconcerned about their being UNAmerican and in what way are they un-American, anyhow?" a soft-on-terrorism liberal like Alan Colmes might ask. Well, I might then respond accordingly: "Alan, I don't think Sean Hannity took you off mute (1), (2) the UN is a socialist organization, taking money from our government and spreading it around the world to refugees, disaster areas and crisis situations. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Why do I need to spend my hard earned money on people who I don't know? How could you get more socialist and anti-capitalist? Anyway, to answer your stupid, insignificant, tree-hugging, homosexual agenda-pushing question about the UN's lack of concern for America, I'd like to say this: that we owe them nothing, but we give money, and when we have a disaster like the election fraud in the 2008 elections (yes, you heard it here first, that dirty Hawaiian stole the election with his socialist army of drugged-up college students) the UN relief fund for the Republican Party to put out adds for a recount is no where to be found." Let's take a look at the UN Millennium Development Goals (MDGs): besides being UNdevelopmental they are useless as the Democratic $900 billion spending bill. In 2000, the world's leaders all agreed to address eight of the most pressing issues–Jesus this part is fucking boring–in the entire world and resolved to meet these eight MDGs by 2015. To make a long, very boring story short, the progress has been comparable to teaching a monkey to read (and I'm not making any references to those kids in Detroit). One might ask, "What about the UN's campaign to eradicate Small Pox and their large role in providing a diplomatic buffer between the world and nuclear holocaust during the Cold War?" Of course even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then and an alcoholic high school teacher makes a speech about something other than his Vietnam days occasionally, but we can't always just rely on the sheer LUCK of the UN. The truth is, the UN tries to do too much and is too big for its cause. We should immediately retake the UN headquarters in New York and turn it into something much more fun and worthwhile to AMERICANS. When was the last time anyone considered OUR feelings? We should treat ourselves to something really nice. The site is pretty big. I'm thinking a theme park/casino would be pretty appropriate. All proceeds would go to a REAL non-profit, that's right, the N.R.A.