Roman, Numerals Scum of Today

Roman numerals are an ancient numbering system that is still used today but only in the most intellectual and important settings. They have mostly faded out and here in the greatest country in the world (the United States of America) we have changed to the Arabic numbering system (those filthy goddamn sand people take our oil and our numbers). However scholars and intellectuals alike have found a way to sneak them back into everyday society. For example the Super Bowl. Do you think that an average person sitting on their couch in the Midwest drinking a beer watching superbowlXXLVI, actually knows what the fuck that means? No they don’t and neither do you. People only pretend to know roman numerals, and instead of actually knowing the number, they get only a rough estimate. For example XLVIII (48) becomes 21. On average it takes a regular red-blooded American 2 hours and 25 minutes to translate CLXXVI into 176 and that is not including the time it took to google roman numerals to figure out that C is 100, L is 50 and so on and so on. Why take that much time on numbers? This isn’t Japan where everything is slow and tranquil, or the Arabia where they have the time to figure out which direction is east and pray five times a day to Allah (whoever that is). I am a dedicated Christian American and I can only afford to go to church on the major holidays; Christmas and Easter (the other Sundays I am sleeping through a rough hangover from the night before). We are Americans and everything needs to be catered to our needs, we are on a schedule and the rest of the world should follow.

Why do the prestigious ass holes think that it is ok to throw roman numerals into today’s society? I tell you why. It is a conspiracy. They know that all the average Americans, the heart of this country, are sitting at home taking hours to figure out what some number is while they, the useless intellectual pricks of this country, take that time to go organic food shopping while we get stuck with pizza for the 5th night in a row. I spoke to an intellectual about my theory once and he said that if it bothers me so much why don’t you just learn how to read them. I became furious and said that if I wanted to learn another language I wouldn’t learn Roman because American is the best fucking language around. I drove home in my Ford truck and realized that the only reason he suggested learning Roman was to take up even more of my time. Learning Roman would take me years. He would have all that time to plant an organic vegetable garden in his backyard and then he would stop putting that vegetable money back into our great American economy by going to Meijer because he would have his own fucking vegetables. So as revenge I did as any normal American would do. I called my friends and we get dressed up in our white pointy hats and paid that intellectual son of a bitch a visit. Sorry to move away from the original point of how roman numerals are the scum of today but that needed to be said. It just seems odd that regular books like ESPN magazine don’t use roman numerals but philosophical bullshit does. They are stopping us from reading smart books when they add roman numerals. They are driving the average American away from Shakespeare and towards Maxim. I mean I wan to read smart stuff too, but I don’t want to have to take 8 years to figure out what page I am on. Page 17, that is easy to remember, but page XVII is not. XVII, that is way too fucking long. It even takes a long time to say let alone translate. We learn roman numerals in elementary school but don’t actually use them until we are reading philosophy shit in college. So only the freaks we used to beat up in elementary school with photographic memories remember that shit, and now they are getting back at us. So put on your white pointy hats and join me in kicking every prestigious dick’s dick in so that they will think twice before using another roman numeral.

Sincerely,

XLVIII

Cyber-bullying

Cyber-bullying: an epidemic facing today's youth.

The internet has, since the mid-1990's, revolutionized the way we communicate, do business, and receive national information. Thanks to the internet, the human race has been thrust into a golden age of technological advancement. With the click of a button, data can be sent around the world in the blink of an eye. This pinnacle of communication; this epic feat of engineering; it would not go uncorrupted for long.

Today, youths are faced with the ever-present threat of CYBER-BULLYING. This most heinous form of mental torture has been studied since the Great Troll Flood of 1997, and has been estimated to be at least twenty-six times as damaging as regular bullying. While top scientists are still unsure as to the cause of its power, they have theorized that cyber-bullying's profound effectiveness could be linked to the same mysterious powers that caused WWII, 9/11, and Whitney Houston.

Quite often, the issue is dismissed when brought into the political spotlight. Phrases such as, "it's really not that big a deal" and, "kids will be kids" are thrown out carelessly. What most Americans fail to recognize is that cyber bullying is SERIOUS BUSINESS. Every eleven seconds another life is ruined by cyber-bullying. Take, for instance, the case of youngster David Knight:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/bullying/cyber_bullying.html

Knight wasn't very popular at his school. He was so unpopular that his classmates created a webpage, for the purpose of allowing others to mock him in the public arena. At the tenth hit on the page, David's cat shat on his rug. After twenty visitors to the page, one left a hateful comment; Knight's mother beat him in a drunken rage. By the time the website had finally been taken down, Knight's father was in rehab, his mother in a psychiatric ward, and his one month-old sister had turned to prostitution.

As you can see, cyber-bullying ruins lives, right? Oh wait... None of that actually happened. He opted for home-schooling and felt shitty for a couple months, but he lived. In fact, he's training to become a pilot.

How did he survive those verbal bullet wounds? It wasn't a kevlar noun-vest. As luck would have it, words are only words. The simple fact is that the internet makes it easier to do EVERYTHING. Whether you use it to trade stocks or to mock feminine douchebags like David Knight, it is EASIER. It isn't really that big a deal, and making fun of one another is what kids do. Pansy can't handle it? Tough shit. In the end you can deal with your problems like an adult, or you can be the ever-whining, ever-victimized scum of the Earth.

Choose wisely.

Yours,
Douche²

Agamya Jing-Wei: Tales of an Intellectual

Agamya Jing-Wei: Tales of an Intellectual

“The wall is a bullet-

The great state is a big stick-

The communist party ends here-

Brazil”

The above is a brief poem that I wrote at the age of 5 while riding on a train for the first time through the vast landscapes of India. Even then I like to think I had a heightened sense of self-importance. It was not until I was 13 that I knew I was right. So as I sit here drinking a cup of darjeeling tea I would like to give all of you a thought “ask not what is growing on the world of invented freedom but when this cage I like to call society will be lifted”

My name is Agamya Jing-Wei. This is however, not the name that my non-paleoanthropic parents gave to me. At the time of my birth they did not know that Cari Smith would be such a small name for such a grand person, and so I legally changed my name to Agamya Jing-Wei. A name defines a person. It is what people will remember at the time I first meet them and it is also what people will remember after I am gone. I chose my first name Agamya because of its Hindi meaning for knowledge and wisdom. My last name Jing-Wei which is the Chinese name meaning a small bird.

As you could probably tell by reading I am very cultured, but culture does not always translate into intellectualism, however, it does in my case. I like to think of myself as an amateur philosopher an amateur who is wiser than those credited such as Plato. Hats block our thoughts from getting into the universe. That is just one of my philosophies I follow strictly. A Buddhist Monk I met once in Thailand a few years back used to tell me to read what ought to be considered a cult of a thousand points of light. So my question to you is, have you? If you have not read what ought to be considered a thousand points of light then you should not continue to read this. Below I leave a few more of my thoughts for you to be inspired by. This is not the last of me and I hope that my experiences that are far grander than yours continue to enlighten the inferior.

“We think what we are which will be that in which we know ourselves”

“Blue sweaters in sweatshops smell like child sweat”

“A scarf in the wind is the end of communism but the start of a new socialist nation”

“Rows of books, rows or cars, rows of spoons, rows of boats, rows of people—none of which are free”

“A fork in me- the end

A fork in the road- the beginning

A fork on a plate- the end of world hunger”

-Agamya Jing-Wei

College: Douchified Students

Hello All! It’s been awhile, and I’ve missed the brazen contentious posts this blog has to offer. But I’m not going to beat around the bush, I like men, okay, enough about my cock fetish, lets get right into the fudge of my next post. Here it goes.

Smell that? Its the smell of failure, you have been emitting it your whole life, ever since you bursted out of your whore of mother. But I digress, that smell could also be college, at a University, because community college isn’t a real college, unless you are retarded, then its just special college.

You have arrived at College! YEA! Good for you, you did okay in school and applied, if you’re black you don’t deserve any credit, its called Affirmative Action, if you are white you either were born into a wealthy family or are going to some state University. The point is, you are there, at college, and you have so much before you, extracurricular actives, social experiments, things to try and places to discover!

The idea of College seems fun, I mean come on, have you seen the brochures they send you in the mail! All those whites having a good time, and that one kid playing the trombone who surprisingly doesn’t have acne (trombone playing is like proactive)! Once students arrive, they like to induce themselves into believing the brochures, but that isn’t enough, they need to ‘change’ something about themselves to REALLY be a part of College, something that shows they are away from home. Now, if that isn’t the stupidest fucking idea, lets go through some of these idiotic motions.

The most popular brand of idiocy in the shape of being ‘with it’ is of course the earring and nose ring. Once thought to be out of style with men, the earring has persevered and is now making a striking come back, not into the gay community, but the jock collective. Surprisingly, the inbred white guy douche and the ghetto black have something in common, they’re un-fucking-believable shitty taste. Hoop earrings are particularly popular, usually having a iconic Michael Jordan silver silhouette, if not that then just a little earring showing how much different they are now! HOW COOL!

Smoking has also taken way with the masses of twats in College, but not just any kind of smoking, oh no, that wouldn’t do, Hookah is whats in! See those group of assholes who sit around the tree shade in the brochure? Well, right after talking about the whale meat industry in Iceland, they head-off to go smoke Hookah. Hookah is even more douchey then the guy wearing a leather jacket and smoking right outside of campus with one leg leaning against a brick wall, you know, totally James Dean (shit actor). This group of assholes actually think they are cultured, going to some middle-eastern restaurant and ‘chill-axing’ while smoking guava (one of many shitty flavors they have to offer) hookah. You get to say “fuck you lungs,” waste money, and seem kinda cool for an hour. What a bunch of fucking losers. They either have nothing to do, or live in Flint.

How about learning a language you don’t need, and won’t use, ever? Sounds cool right! No, sounds like you are a fucking asshole. Are you going to be a translator? No? Well fuck off, English will do you narcissistic superficial prick! Learning farsi makes you an asshole, a fucking asshole. Okay, so you like to eat Kibi, whoopee fucking do! Were you born in the middle east? No? THEN DON’T LEARN SOME OBSCURE LANGUAGE YOU FUCK! I hate having to hear it from my friends, a conversation might go like this:

Me: How are classes?

Douche: Okay, my teacher really doesn't grasp the struggle of Iraqi people when concerning US industrialism and the Carbon Trade tax credit cut out.

Me: Okay, well...want to go out for lunch?

Douche: No can do, I have my Farsi class *looks at his books, looks at you and smiles*.

Me: Dinner?

Douche: Nope, I should study for Farsi class, and then I’m chillaxing at Taboon to smoke some mango hookah, after that I’m getting a nose ring!

Me: Die.

I literally deal with these assholes every day.

Finally, I would like to end with quite possibly the most horrendous thing I have ever heard in my adult life. People who get tattoos of Africa on their body. Need I say more? Really? These are the same people who advocate against the genocide in Dar Fur, deluding themselves, thinking they will raise money that will actually make a difference. Imagine seeing someone at the pool with a gigantic tattoo of Africa on their back, wouldn’t you just want to pull out a 9mm and shoot them? They aren’t from fucking Africa, they haven’t been, they don’t have similar experiences, yet they put this picture of Africa with a red outline to show what? Have YOU struggled? No? THEN VANISH AND DIE.

I would go on, but time tells me I need to masturbate. If you disagree with anything I have said you are either a monkey, or arab, in which case your opinion holds no ground.

Sincerely,

Mr. Right.