College: Douchified Students

Hello All! It’s been awhile, and I’ve missed the brazen contentious posts this blog has to offer. But I’m not going to beat around the bush, I like men, okay, enough about my cock fetish, lets get right into the fudge of my next post. Here it goes.

Smell that? Its the smell of failure, you have been emitting it your whole life, ever since you bursted out of your whore of mother. But I digress, that smell could also be college, at a University, because community college isn’t a real college, unless you are retarded, then its just special college.

You have arrived at College! YEA! Good for you, you did okay in school and applied, if you’re black you don’t deserve any credit, its called Affirmative Action, if you are white you either were born into a wealthy family or are going to some state University. The point is, you are there, at college, and you have so much before you, extracurricular actives, social experiments, things to try and places to discover!

The idea of College seems fun, I mean come on, have you seen the brochures they send you in the mail! All those whites having a good time, and that one kid playing the trombone who surprisingly doesn’t have acne (trombone playing is like proactive)! Once students arrive, they like to induce themselves into believing the brochures, but that isn’t enough, they need to ‘change’ something about themselves to REALLY be a part of College, something that shows they are away from home. Now, if that isn’t the stupidest fucking idea, lets go through some of these idiotic motions.

The most popular brand of idiocy in the shape of being ‘with it’ is of course the earring and nose ring. Once thought to be out of style with men, the earring has persevered and is now making a striking come back, not into the gay community, but the jock collective. Surprisingly, the inbred white guy douche and the ghetto black have something in common, they’re un-fucking-believable shitty taste. Hoop earrings are particularly popular, usually having a iconic Michael Jordan silver silhouette, if not that then just a little earring showing how much different they are now! HOW COOL!

Smoking has also taken way with the masses of twats in College, but not just any kind of smoking, oh no, that wouldn’t do, Hookah is whats in! See those group of assholes who sit around the tree shade in the brochure? Well, right after talking about the whale meat industry in Iceland, they head-off to go smoke Hookah. Hookah is even more douchey then the guy wearing a leather jacket and smoking right outside of campus with one leg leaning against a brick wall, you know, totally James Dean (shit actor). This group of assholes actually think they are cultured, going to some middle-eastern restaurant and ‘chill-axing’ while smoking guava (one of many shitty flavors they have to offer) hookah. You get to say “fuck you lungs,” waste money, and seem kinda cool for an hour. What a bunch of fucking losers. They either have nothing to do, or live in Flint.

How about learning a language you don’t need, and won’t use, ever? Sounds cool right! No, sounds like you are a fucking asshole. Are you going to be a translator? No? Well fuck off, English will do you narcissistic superficial prick! Learning farsi makes you an asshole, a fucking asshole. Okay, so you like to eat Kibi, whoopee fucking do! Were you born in the middle east? No? THEN DON’T LEARN SOME OBSCURE LANGUAGE YOU FUCK! I hate having to hear it from my friends, a conversation might go like this:

Me: How are classes?

Douche: Okay, my teacher really doesn't grasp the struggle of Iraqi people when concerning US industrialism and the Carbon Trade tax credit cut out.

Me: Okay, well...want to go out for lunch?

Douche: No can do, I have my Farsi class *looks at his books, looks at you and smiles*.

Me: Dinner?

Douche: Nope, I should study for Farsi class, and then I’m chillaxing at Taboon to smoke some mango hookah, after that I’m getting a nose ring!

Me: Die.

I literally deal with these assholes every day.

Finally, I would like to end with quite possibly the most horrendous thing I have ever heard in my adult life. People who get tattoos of Africa on their body. Need I say more? Really? These are the same people who advocate against the genocide in Dar Fur, deluding themselves, thinking they will raise money that will actually make a difference. Imagine seeing someone at the pool with a gigantic tattoo of Africa on their back, wouldn’t you just want to pull out a 9mm and shoot them? They aren’t from fucking Africa, they haven’t been, they don’t have similar experiences, yet they put this picture of Africa with a red outline to show what? Have YOU struggled? No? THEN VANISH AND DIE.

I would go on, but time tells me I need to masturbate. If you disagree with anything I have said you are either a monkey, or arab, in which case your opinion holds no ground.

Sincerely,

Mr. Right.